Well that Bucs game was a 3 day old bag of shit wasn't it? For a team that should be 2-0, could well be 1-1, we now sit in an 0-2 hole, and have nothing to offer as an excuse bar our own inadequacy. I was in an absolutely Julie Andrews-type joyful mood when I rose on Monday I can tell you; positively chuffed that a lightning strike in Tampa led to a game delay, which led to the Bucs leaving their common sense in the locker room, which led to a 1.45am finish, which led to about 4 hours kip for a grumpy old sod like me. "Oh deary me? I cried as Lindell's kick nearly clonked the end zone pylon; "oh happy day? I whistled as I recalled the 3 quick passes it took Drew Brees to drive down the field, and launch a two footed boot into every Buc fans nut sack. I swear following this team will have me sent to the funny farm before I get to 50.

Whatever the hell's going on between the Head Coach and Quarterback, it plainly stinks to high heaven. The QB in a contract/walk/nightmare year is playing like a drain, and the Head Coach's vaunted discipline and control is now as laughable as Cheryl Cole's arse tattoo. How many penalties ffs? The dead ball ones are particularly mind boggling, and the Demar Dotson one for the Jackson's TD was a back breaker. Special shout-out too for the goal-line stand, completed with 10 men on the field, and it was barely 10 as the one guy sprinted on just before the snap. Is this a professional football team or simply a pisstake?

After 2 weeks of the season, two things are clear; the first is that there's no way on earth that both this Head Coach and QB combo are here next season; with this being as plainly obvious as the sun coming up each morning, once the season is in the books - likely by around week 7 at this rate ? action can be expedited in this process, on either or both fronts. The second is to cut that shitehouse Kicker, who recalled the Tampa ghost of Scott Norwood with that miss. We can't have that in such a situation I'm afraid Mr Lindell, as such kicks in the town halls make you as much use as a Fish on a Motorbike. On the plus side .... well quite frankly there isn't one is there where the Bucs are concerned is there? We now go to jolly Foxboro to play a team still narked at us for nearly knocking down Tom Brady in August, who lose at home about as often as Belichick smiles, and Darrelle Revis's honeymoon period lasted as long as a Kardashian kids marriage ? do you see what I did there with the K'S?

This year I am fielding/managing/kyboshing two fantasy teams, both of whom got dry bummed last week, as I sent more players to the treatment room than the end zone; bollocks to you Eddy Lacy Larry Fitzgerald, and Darrius Heyward-Bey, and a special shout-out to my "star? RB's Lesean Mccoy and Matt Forte who make the difficult catch, carry it to within knicker sniffing distance of paydirt, and then once they get inside the opponents 5 yard stop simply wait for tacklers to come and down them there. Bastards.

On to week 3 now and I need a fantasy win more than Ronnie O'Sullivan needs a solicitor. If my team continues to avoid the end zone as though it's got the pox, I may need to shuffle the pack. For sheer laughs I thought about jumping on the Eddie Royal bandwagon ? let's face it, there's likely to be plenty of room on there - as that little squirt has done me in before and I figured he owes me, but once a spare starting QB came up I saw a bit of sense.

Some other random thoughts from week 2's action - how shite are the Jaguars? Catch all the fever of a Jags game at Wembley, with added sky high ticket packages, extortionately priced food, and garbage time thrown-in by the 2nd quarter! No wonder MJD has caught loser's limp pretty quick again. Steven Jackson's injured ? even Ray Charles saw that coming, whilst Eli Manning has started the season turning the ball over like a particularly good Vinny Testaverde tribute act.

Week 3 brings the last week before the byes kick in, so check those line-ups and clashes and move forwards gents. Nothing more frustrating seeing both your Kickers or Defenses are on the same bye week ? who the hell would draft like that eh? Me usually, that's who. The merits of drinking 15 cans of lager whilst drafting I suppose. Good luck to all in week 3, apart from Wayne as he takes on the currently dormant Clap.


FFL Week 3 Preview

Outstanding Warrants (1-1) vs Cosmic Clap (1-1)
With T-Rich fresh off a trade to the Colts will Wayne press the start button for his debut game in San Francisco? The Warrants will also check on the fitness of Andre Johnson who's still putting the pieces back together from a concussion, and Hakeem Nicks who, like Art Schlichter, seems permanently banged up. Their QB choice rests between a so far slightly subpar Tom Brady, or an oddly rejuvenated Phillip Rivers. Perhaps FFL pipsqueak and newly acquired Eddie Royal gets a start here, just to torture The Clap for old times' sake. Speaking of The Clap, their rage at their roster last week means a few changes as the pack is shuffled; Andy Dalton gets the QB call with Matt Ryan's skill position players going down like Thai ladies of the night. More end zone pay dirt is needed all over the place ? yes that would be you Mr Torrey Smith and Mr Antonio Brown, with Bernard Pierce also making his debut, and new kicker Caleb Sturgis called forwards.

Malicious Penguins (2-0) vs Dead Zombies (1-1)
These are strange times we are living in, with The Penguins the last unbeaten ? who says you need draft picks? ? and their TE Jermichael Finley both fit, and scoring TD's. Weird. The ex-councillor places his trust in Fantasy legend Sir Aaron but appears to have fell in love with the Giants RB's starting 2 of them - Brandon Jacobs is as old as most of us, and about as quick too. Randall Cobb and The 49er Defense could be key plays for him this week. The Wizard got off the schneid last week and trusts again in his Lions triplets Stafford, Bush and Johnson ? sounds like a firm of undertakers. Dez Bryant woke up in a big way last time out, and with Dwayne Allen injured his starting TE Coby Fleener suddenly looks an appealing option.

Dodgy Athletics (1-1) vs Dislocated Knee Joints (1-1)
Another battle of 1-1 teams, with Martin fresh from beating off The Clap last week (Sun readers voice ? "He kept that quiet.?) Ryan Tannehill gets the call this week in the rotation policy, alongside the returning Josh Gordon, and a set of starting RB's who could win the game themselves. You do feel Eric Decker is due a big game in that Bronco pinball machine. The Knee Joints rebounded nicely last week, and have their starting QB Russell Wilson facing a cupcake home game which should seal his starting place. Frank Gore owes his FFL owner a big game, whilst Reggie Wayne, Pierre Garcon and Stevie Johnson should again anchor the Receiving corps. Big legged Kicker Greig Zuerlein reinforces the bottom end (fnarr fnarr).

Welsh Dragons (1-1) vs Funky Furbys (1-1)
A tough weekend for the welsh Wizard as he exited the General Custer, and put up a stinker in his FFL match-up. Having scored 150 plus the week before, the fantasy gods sadly paid him back. This week messrs Kaepernick, AP, Muscle Hamster and AJ Green have a chance to redeem themselves and a rebound high score is most likely. The Furbys dropped a close one last time out, and with Drew Brees, CJ Spiller and Brandon Marshall in their ranks they have reasons to be cheerful. Ray Rice's possible absence is a shitter, and a late check on him is required here. Patriot Kicker Gostkowski and the Bears Defense provide possibly the best arse end of any FFL roster.

Tractor Boys (1-1) vs Morning Woodsmen (0-2)
The Tractor Boys secured their first win last week, as fantasy hide and seek champ James Jones peek-a-booed out to the tune of a zillion yards, and Jimmy Graham had one of those days that he has. Both will be pivotal again, alongside QB Alex Smith and Vincent Jackson though a plethora of injuries to his RB's may weaken Steve's hand. Adam is the last winless team, god knows how, so will seek to get up and running behind that Bronco Offense and more of the same from Marshawn Lynch who also is the receiver of the gift of the Jacksonville Jaguars this weekend. Roddy White's gimpy ankle meanwhile is about as welcome as a turd in the swimming baths.

Shy Teds (1-1) vs Punting Idiots (1-1)
The Teds are burdened by 4 possible options at the QB position ? maybe they should spin the wheel every week ? so who gets the nod is anyone's guess. Pocket Hercules latest injury smacks of loser's limp and even if he plays, a trip to Seattle looks like a fantasy football graveyard these days. Thankfully in Julio Jones, Wes Welker and Jordy Nelson Ian boasts what is likely the FFL best starting WR core, and Demarco Murray is one of those players due for a big game. The Idiots will look to rebound and hope fantasy god RG3 plays his way back to full fitness; His Jackson 2 ? Fred and Desean ? will be ably supported by CJ2K, and dubiously so by Ryan Mathews who again teases his owner only to disappear again. Victor Cruz had a blank week last time out ? look for that to change on Sunday.