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COSMIC CLAP
If this team were in the World Cup it would be ...... Italia. Previous winners, can be difficult to beat and resilient but prone to dramatics, daft collapses and off-field player antics and conduct issues that get their squad in trouble with the authorities. Usually a whiff of legal scandal in the air somewhere on this team.
* RECORD - Scraped their way to a 7-7 record to finish right in the middle of the pack but at least avoided a losing season. Would point to injuries as a problem which were a mitigating factor, directly and indirectly, but in reality they finished where they deserved - neither here, nor there.

* SEASON IN A NUTSHELL - Started well at 3-1 but then the injuries bit with new signee Randall Cobb going down a week after being acquired, and Falcon QB Matt Ryan losing his top 2 WRS rendering him useless. Gradually meandered to 5-4 before getting hammered in both rivalry week games, meaning a desperate win in the season's final week salvaged at least a .500 season.

* NOTABLE DRAFTEES - Another fine example of how to sabotage your own team with poor drafting, whilst pissed may I add, right here. Round 1 brought Torrey Smith - a player the Clap targeted specifically in the draft, only to find this year was the season he didn't score 1 single long bomb TD - cheers for that Torrey. Round 3 was a nice pick in Antonio Brown, who was scoring well but then was traded away in a move where ultimately proved The Woodsmen literally did have my trousers down; round 4 gave us the Jets latest enigma at QB Geno Smith, who was up and down like the Clap themselves but at least provided 14 weeks of yardage without making 1 start; round 5 gave us perennial sleeper Bernard Pierce, the Raven RB who perfected the art of slamming into the line and hitting the deck on first contact; closing out in round 5 was then Texans RB Ben Tate, who as usual did little bar park his arse on the sideline and was finally traded away at which time he promptly woke up and contributed - typical. All in all, just like the England batting line-up in the Ashes Tour, every one of them underwhelmed in their own way with varying degrees of failure.

* 5 KEEPERS - After a bit of trading Seahawk QB Russell Wilson who the Clap would rather see running it that flinging it; Bengals QB Andy Dalton, a man universally accepted to be on a shorter leash than a Pit Bull; Bears RB Matt Forte - likely our only hope at the RB spot; Ravens WR Torrey Smith - given one more chance to remember where the end zone is, and finally club favourite Randall Cobb who could be a star, if he can stay fit.

* WHERE IT WENT RIGHT - Matt Forte had a nice season, and Andy Dalton had a couple of daft 30 point plus games much to everyone's surprise. The Claps QBs, RBs and bonus points stacked up nicely and even as late as week 12 when they stood 6-5 they were still in with a shot, despite the gradual slide. More powerful teams on the back end of the schedule put paid to any hope of fluking a play-off spot. Antonio Brown was going well but was traded away when The GM realised the play-offs were a pipe dream, whilst it was with a heavy heart that stalwart Lesean Mccoy was cashed in - still gutted to lose him but the time was right. Keenan Allen was also a top find on the waiver wire, as was Brian Hoyer until he made like most of them and broke.

* HOW IT WENT WRONG - Injuries were a killer, with Randall Cobb snapping literally a week and one game after being re-acquired, Matt Ryan literally being sapped of his weapons and thus point scoring powers, and even newly acquired starting QB Brian Hoyer, having had 2 cracking games, then blew out his knee. That was the point that made me think it wasn't going to be my year. An absolutely pathetic 26 points all year from the TE position didn't help - I'm sure Julius Thomas and Jimmy Graham had single bigger games than that - whilst also getting ploughed in both rivalry games by the Peyton Manning buzzsaw was a sobering experience. This is the team that drafted Blaine Gabbert - what the f**k?

* DRAFT PICKS AND WHATS AHEAD - 18 picks overall, including first overall, and as a rarity for the Clap these days 8 of them in the first 9 rounds, so the opportunity is there - just so long as they do something rare and actually draft some serviceable players, instead of an underachieving, injury prone, multi-arrested pile of crap, which has been known to happen in the past.

* A Quote from the GM (under artistic license) - "Avoided a losing season but thats about it. Glad to get Cobb back, gutted to lose Brown and Mccoy but as the trademeister will remind you, an owner has to give something up to get something. Probably relying too much on Matt Forte at the moment."
-- Lee (3rd July 2014)
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